Going To The Fair
by Juggernauts
Summary: It’s time for the Forks town fair! Watch as all the Cullen family tries to get through a normal day of town celebrations!
1. New Plans

SUMMARY: It's time for the Forks town fair! Watch as all the Cullen family tries to get through a normal day of town celebrations!

S/N: So this is basically just a little something to keep my mind from killing itself while I'm writing Darko. I need to lighten my mood a tad and I was in the mood to write about young Michael Newton and from that, sprung this. Hope you enjoy my stupid writing! ^.^

CPOV

"CARLISLE!"

I put down my medical journal and sighed. Couldn't a man read in peace anymore?  
Alice was excited about something and the fact that she went to such unnecessary lengths as to yell in a house full of vampires, really did show how keen she was on whatever this new development was.

"What is it, Alice?' I spoke quietly.

"PLEASE PLEASE COME DOWN HERE! EVERYONE! I NEED TO SHOW YOU ALL SOMETHING!"

I couldn't help but run through the different possibilities in my head as I walked, at human speed, down the stairs. Was it something she saw? Or something she herself was planning? Although with Alice, there usually was little distinction…

Everyone was merging from their different corners of the house. Rosalie from the garage, Emmett and Jasper from the dining room table - where they had been in the middle of a very high stakes poker game, Esme from her studio and Edward and Bella from the third floor. None seemed particularly enthused about Alice interrupting them. Even Jasper, although it was hard to tell whether it was own emotion or the annoyance of others that was on his face.

Alice was standing in the middle of the entrance hall way, clutching an A4 piece of colored paper in her tiny hands, a huge smile alight on her face.

"Alice," Edward practically groaned, "why on earth would you want to go to that?"

"Go to what?" Emmett looked torn between interested in whatever was causing Edward such displeasure, and anxious. The latter probably a result from wanting to get back to the poker game.

"THE FORKS TOWN FAIR!" Alice squealed again, "I found the flyer sitting in our mailbox. Don't you want to go? It'll be so exciting! The rides, the games, the food…"

"Food?" Rosalie cocked her eyebrow.

"Well you know what I mean. Won't it be fun? We can spend the whole day outdoors having fun with the town people! It'll be like one big party!"

I could see Alice was practically ready to burst from excitement.

"They're having it outdoors? Won't it…?"

"No," Alice smiled at Bella, "I've already checked the forecast and for once the weather man was right – no rain! Just clouds."

Bella's face perked a little. She was just excited at the prospect of going through a whole day dry.

"May I see the flyer?" I asked Alice.

She handed it to me.  
It was yellow paper with the words '_Forks Town Fair_' printed on it in large font, with pictures of a Ferris wheel, a hot dog and a pig wearing a large blue bow on its head. It was soaking wet and looked as if it'd been sitting in the mailbox for weeks and since no one sent mail to vampires, it was quite probable that it had been.

"It's on tomorrow…"

"Yeah but since when have we been too busy that we couldn't rearrange any plans. And besides," Alice smirked, "I already checked. We're going."

There was a collective sigh from everyone. Was this really something we should go to? A family of vampires around such huge celebrations? Edward would surely hate it. As would Rosalie. Jaspers would go if it meant Alice was happy and Esme would do anything to have her family spend time together. Emmett, of course, was all for it.

"I can't wait to beat everyone at the prize games and contests. Don't worry babe," he turned to Rosalie, "I'll win you a big prize."

"Joy…" Rosalie was bored of the fair already.

"Hey, don't they have like those beauty pageants at fairs? You should totally enter Rosie! And Jasper, you up for the hot dog eating contest?"

Emmett was practically bouncing off the walls like a two year old, now probably more excited than Alice. I could see Rosalie mulling over the idea of beating all the local girls at the beauty contest and almost hear the wheels turning in her head, thinking of ways to sabotage the other contestants.

"Now, everyone," I had to lay down some rules if we were going to such an environment which would only catalyst the competitive nature of my family, "we can't make a scene, alright? Keep a low profile."

"So you mean we're going?" Alice squeaked through the huge grin on her face.

"I thought you said you already saw us going?" Edward asked.

"I did. But it's fun to rub it in," her smile widened as she grabbed Jasper's hand and waltz off to her closet, surely to pick out all the outfits we would be wearing tomorrow. Jasper however, looked forlornly at the dining room table, where Emmett had already run to go peak at his cards.


	2. Arrival

EPOV

As I sat in Bella's rocking chair, I couldn't help but think about the impending doom of the fair. I'd known about it for weeks, of course. The thoughts of the townspeople sometimes wandered to this supposedly 'fun family day out.' Alice had known for weeks too. Although she waited until the last second to tell anybody in case someone thought of a reason to get out of it.

Death would be a good one.

I didn't bother going home that night to change, as I knew whatever I put on would soon be shredded and disposed of by Alice in order to make way for the outfits she had planned. She'd been trying to keep her thoughts hidden but I still caught glimpses -glimpses of plaid.

It pained me to disturb her sleeping form but my selfish urge to see her in a cute plaid skirt overcame the chivalry. Besides, the fair started at 11am and it was already 9. Lord knows how long Alice wanted to work on her for.

I made my way over to her bed and gently caressed her cheek. The slight smile that'd been on her face all night grew wider as her eyelids fluttered opened.

"Hi," she sighed at me.

I grinned, "Sorry to disturb you, but the fair awaits us."

The smile was gone.  
"Why do we have to go? It's just a stupid fair." She stuck out her bottom lip in protest. God, she was so cute when she was stubborn.

"I know, but Alice will be Alice. Come on, we have to move it. If we don't get there soon Alice may just come here to get you."

Bella bolted to bathroom as fast as she could without causing herself permanent damage.

I looked at my watch - 10:50am.  
She'd been an hour and a half already. What did Alice _do_ to Bella in there?  
Sure, she always came out looking amazing but really, there wasn't even that much of a difference except for the makeup. I had a feeling it was Alice's own twisted way to sooth Bella's insecurities – Bella, stupidly, thought she 'paled in comparison' to us.

Bella had a different solution in mind.

Steering my thoughts clear of that direction I looked down at my own ensemble - blue jeans, black button up and Chucks. Actually, I didn't look like a cowboy at all. My guess was Alice saw the struggle I was willing to put up if she placed me in a pair of wranglers like she did Jasper. Even he admitted that perhaps it was a bit much.

Emmett, the moron, was sporting a huge cowboy hat. Its diameter had to have been at least one meter. He had a huge belt buckle that he'd stolen from Jasper that read 'Don't Mess with Texas' and a pair of ludicrously pointy boots with spurs. Yes, spurs.

I was utterly ashamed.

Rosalie donned a simple black cowboy hat with skinny jeans and fitted shirt. She'd claimed she wanted to keep it low key until the pageant, as if anything she did was low key. She had her outfit in a small bag she was carrying, her mind wandering to squashing the hopes of all the high school girls that were planning on entering. So malicious, so entertaining.

"Ok, we're ready now!" Alice's voice floated down the stairs and she suddenly appeared in front of us with Bella in her arms. Alice placed Bella on her feet and I drank in the site before me.

I had never known cowgirl fantasies had been my thing until that very moment. I wanted to kiss Alice _and_ shoot her, because I knew every teenage boy at the fair would be having the same thoughts I was having right now.

She had placed Bella's hair in low, loose piggy tails with a straw cowgirl hat on her head. She wore a white singlet underneath a red, plaid shirt that was tied around at her waist. On her bottom half she had a pair of cute, denim shorts – not daisy dukes, but still rather too short for this weather. On her feet were tan cowgirl boots with dark embroidery.

It was beyond cliché and it didn't bother me in the slightest. Bella seemed to have different thoughts.

"Alice, I'll FREEZE! My legs are completely exposed!" Bella bit her bottom lip, obviously not comfortable with the display of skin.

"Oh please, Bella," Alice, who had worn a similar plaid shirt in blue that was entirely too long for her with a belt fastened under her bust, turning it into somewhat of a mini dress, scoffed, "I already checked. It won't be too cold at all today. You'll be warm enough and you look beyond adorable!"

"I couldn't agree more," I leant down and whispered in Bella's ear. I felt her turn a bright shade of pink.

"Ugh! Can we please go? It starts in like two minutes!" Emmett was already standing at the door, his jeep's keys in hand.

"Ok, ok. Let's go," I said as I took Bella's hand.

JPOV

I didn't know whether to be nervous or excited, but I felt both regardless. As well as the pure anxiety that was just rolling off Bella in tidal waves. I adjusted my wranglers and couldn't believe Alice had dug these up. It was slightly mortifying that anyone besides my wife was seeing me in these outside the bedroom, but if it made her happy…

I sighed.

So many people were going to be at this fair which meant so many different emotional climates. I'd have to find a good one and stick close by it. Luckily, Alice was feeling nothing but chipper as we rode over and I could only hope her mood stayed so positive.

It was going to be a long day, even for a vampire.

As we arrived at the giant field where the fair had been set up, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. It was like I'd walked into an all you can eat, free buffet but wasn't allowed to touch anything. Kids were running around - their faces flushed. People were sweating a little from all the bodies being so close together in the little tiny walkways that had been created in between stalls. I could almost feel the heat coming off all the nervous people on the Ferris wheel.

Edward shot me a warning look but Alice kept smiling, so I guess I was safe. I tried to focus on the joy this day was bringing my Alice and how much I would ruin it if I were to suddenly go all savage on these innocent town's folk. The sweet, tantalizing town's folk.

Another look from Edward. I'd have to push these thoughts out of my head and fast.

"Where do I go first?" Emmett's head was almost spinning in complete 360 degree circles, trying to look at everything at once. He was such a kid. I couldn't help but smile at my brother.

"Well, you could hit the stalls first and try to rack up as many prizes as possible," Alice said slyly. Of course she would stick with whoever would be the most entertaining.

"You're right, let's hurry! I don't want all the good prizes to be gone," Emmett turned to Rose, "You coming, babe?"

"I think not. I'm going off to register for the pageant," Rosalie sauntered off to find the registration tent, an enormous smirk on her face.

"What about you guys?" Emmett was desperate for an audience, as he turned on Edward and Bella, "You guys want to see me kick boo-tay?"

Bella laughed while Edward frowned.

"No, Emmett. I think we're just going to look around for while," he turned to Alice, "We'll catch up with you guys later I'm sure."

"Absolutely you will" Alice grinned as Edward and Bella walked off in the general direction of the animals.

"Looks like it's just you guys for now... Do you know when Esme and Carlisle are going to show up?"

"They're still deciding whether to come or not so I'm not too sure. Don't worry Emmett, we'll cheer you on," Alice winked at me.

"Ok, well let's hurry up! I want to make my way through each stall before anyone else gets a chance to," Emmett was practically running towards the first stall.

Alice's eyes unfocused for a second before the permanent smile on her face almost tore her cheeks in two.

"Come on, Jazz" she sang as she grabbed my wrist and yanked me after Emmett.

RPOV

The tent was easily enough to locate - I just followed the smells of cheap perfume and make up.

It really was kind of sad to think these girls were even bothering. Maybe they thought I wasn't coming? This was true until I heard about the pageant. It was just too good a chance to mess with people to pass up.

The outfit I had in my bag was a sure thing, not that I myself wasn't. It would blow everyone's minds and I had an inkling that once Emmett saw it, he would be groveling at my feet.  
Emmett… what was that buffoon up to?

I pulled the flap of the tent aside and walked into what I could only describe as one of the tackiest things I have ever seen.

Hay was everywhere. It littered the floor acting as sort of an itchy, yellow carpet and bales of hay were placed around low, wooden tables. I presumed these were to be used as… seats? Red, white and blue party streamers scattered the walls of the tent and the same color scheme had been used for the helium inflated balloons that were floating up the top of the tent. The wooden stage was about a meter off the ground and the judges' table was sitting directly in front of it, an American flag hung over the front of it.

Was there _anything_ about this town that was original?

I saw a small cluster of girls standing around one of the back tables which I could only assume was where the registration was. I walked over with my shoulders back, hips swinging and eyes glaring. Let me see one of these girls even try to have a glimmer of hope with me around.

Much to my disappointment and slight wariness, I noticed that when the girls saw me, they couldn't appear happier. Smiles lit up their faces and some short, curly haired broad sniggered to her bleach blonde friend - losers.

It wasn't until I looked over at the plump, school receptionist who was sitting at the registration table, that I noticed the sign she had placed on the table.

_Registration Closed_

If I didn't know better, I would have sworn my sockets had punched my eyeballs out of them.

CLOSED!?

This was ABSURD!  
RIDICULOUS!

FUCKING MESSED UP!

What was this shit?

I stormed up to the cheaply dressed 40something year old, picked up the sign and thrust it in her wrinkling face.

"What is _this_?" I asked incredulously, as if it had been something dirty and offensive and right then, it certainly was.

"I-I'm sorry, dear," she flustered, a hot flush rising on her cheeks.

It was almost temptation enough for me to rip her neck off but I decided that would get me nowhere. She _was_ going to let me in this stupid contest.

"I don't care if you're sorry or not, why the hell is it closed? This stupid fair only just started!"  
How could I be expected to get from the entrance to here, at human speed, so quickly?

Was this some kind of sick ploy to keep me out of the contest?

"On… on the flyer it stated quite clearly that any wishing to enter had to arrive at 10:30… for paper work and…"

"Paper work? For God's sake lady, just hand over the forms, I'll fill them out in two seconds flat and then I can be on my merry way to win this thing."

All my other family members would have opted for the 'dazzling' technique and try to persuade her by using our vampire charms. Not Rosalie Hale, no way. I'd make her cry if I had to.

"You heard her," the blonde friend piped up all smug like, "it's closed. You can't enter."

Her fat curly haired friend giggled. The other 5 girls just looked plain terrified -smart.

"Listen here, Paris," I rounded on her. Just who did she think she was? Fake plastic nails and an orange skin tone did _not_ make you worthy to dish it out to me. I'd put her in her place, "I don't know what your name is or who you are but you do not talk to me like that, ever. And just because you know I'll wipe the floor with you is no need to get so snippy."

"Wipe the floor with me? You wish."  
She was a cocky little thing. I couldn't help but grin though when her face faltered because I didn't know who she was. Obviously, this chick fancied herself some sort of social climber and the fact I had never taken notice of her was a bruise on her ego. Good. It was one less part of her to crush.

"Scared of a little competition, sunshine?"  
I changed tactics. If I could get this little punk to want me in the competition, maybe good old Ms. Cope would allow it.

"HA! You wish. I'd love to have you in the competition just so I could show you that despite what you think, you are so _not_ the hottest girl in Forks."

All the other girls looked at her like she was crazy and to be standing up to an almost centennial vampire, she probably was.

"Then why don't you let me go in the contest so I can prove it?" I asked slyly. This chick was too easy.

"FINE THEN! Ms. Cope," she turned to woman, "put her in the pageant! I need to teach this girl a thing or two."

"I… I…" Ms. Cope was torn, "well I guess if the other contestants say it's ok…"

"Well I guess it's all sorted then. The paper work, Ms. Cope?" I asked smugly. Getting my way wasn't anything out of the usual but these people didn't know that. So I had to let my tone of voice remind them.

"OH! Um, of course…" The stout woman reached under the table and produced some papers and a pen, "now if you'll just notice section…"

I grabbed the pen off her and began reading and filling out as furiously as I could without being conspicuous.  
I thrust the papers in her face, "So what time do I have to be back here?"

"Um… one o'clock but the pageant doesn't start till half past…"

"Perfect, see you then, losers."

I turned on my heel and practically waltzed out of there, all the while hearing furious voices scolding the blonde girl for what she'd done. She seemed awfully regretful of her rash actions, now that she had time to think about.

I had just planned on beating the other contestants but now, after that little show, I was going to annihilate them!


	3. A First Time For Everything

I have completely forgotten to tell you all that I am absolutely thrilled about the response to this story! So much so that this is steadily taking over all my other writing commitments. I cannot thank you all enough and every time I read about how this made someone giggle it brings a smile to my face. I have to tell you all that when I started this chapter I had absolutely no idea of what to write. I couldn't think of a single funny situation for Edward and Bella except that Edward got jealous. As you read the chapter, it's very easy to see where my stupidity took over and I completely changed direction. The end result just sort of happened – like writing vomit. Before I knew it, I had written over 4,000 words and decided that it was pretty friggen funny. So I kept it and am thoroughly glad I did despite it's ridiculousness. I don't really have an outline with this story - I'm just writing whatever comes into my head as its very therapeutic and so much more fun that way. Once again, I love you all and am more than pleased with the responses so please, keep 'em coming and I'll keep the chapters coming. =D LOVE YOU ALL

BPOV

Edward was acting… strange would be the only word for it. Really though, Edward was always strange – even for a 100something year old vampire. He kept clenching his fists and jaw and darting looks at everyone. My only guess was that they were thinking something he didn't approve of. But really, how could so many people be thinking offensive things? Men in the early 1900's were such old prudes.

I couldn't help but pull my pants a little further down my body in an attempt to shield a little more leg. The only drawback was that this exposed more of my stomach, which wasn't any better. Alice was right though, I wasn't cold - just extremely embarrassed at this display of skin when everyone else appeared to be in jeans. I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I pulled the white singlet down in order to cover my now bare stomach. Well, at least that was that problem solved. Two extra inches of thigh was now covered and my stomach wasn't on display. Now if I could just wedge it down a little more…

EPOV

I couldn't believe what she was doing. Did she have any idea what she was doing to these poor boys, (and disgustingly, _men_) who were watching on? What she was doing to _me_?

Bella and I had been standing in front of the goats in the petting zoo, neither of us thoroughly impressed by these thoroughly unoriginal animals. Goats, pigs and horses – that was about it. Bella had bent down to pat one of the goats and then she suddenly jumped and started fiddling with her clothes.

My guess was she suddenly became conscious of the fact that when she bent over, those little shorts would ride just a little higher on her thigh… it was a lovely sight. Of course I would never say that to her though, much less in public.

Then she pulled her pants down a little in a very unsuccessful attempt to hide some thigh but then only made her bare midriff more pronounced. The three stooges, Mike, Tyler and Eric, had all been close by watching her and adjusting their pants accordingly.

Neanderthals.

Then she pulled her singlet down to cover her stomach, turned towards me and looking thoroughly pleased with herself, smiled triumphantly, as if she had won the war against the provocative, evil garment.

I couldn't help but ogle at both her naivety and the sight she had created.  
The top of her breast had begun to protrude over the top of her now dangerously low neckline and were creating more of a scene than her bare legs had.

'_Oh God… look at them! They're just… unghhh… lucky Cullen! Probably sees them whenever he likes… probably gets to suck -'_

I cut the now extremely graphic mental picture that Mike Newton was creating in his head out of my own. Not only because it had been Bella's naked body he'd been imagining but the fact that he had replaced me with his own body was more than disturbing -and infuriating.

At the same time that had been pounding, pun not intended, into my brain, Tyler Crowley wasn't so much imagining the things he'd want to do to _my_ Bella but rather listing them as if nothing more than a shopping list he'd written many times before.

'_First thing I'd do is grab _them_ in my mouth… I wonder if she likes it rough. Some chicks like it when you bite them… Bella seems like one of those secret nympho types. Yeah, I bet that's it… she's all quiet and shy but a total demon in the sack! You bastard, Cullen. Bet you've taken that for a ride a couple times… After I'd worked the tits… I'd totally get my tongue and…'_

I couldn't help but wonder why everyone was under the impression Bella and I had made love. Were we giving off a vibe, or something? I certainly didn't think anything I'd been doing was considered less than chaste. All I did was caress her skin and kiss her. Was the kissing too much? Bella certainly didn't think so and if anything, she thought it was far too little.

I had to stop my mind from wandering with the influence of Mike and Tyler's vulgarity. I was better than them – I could control my thoughts. At this point and time though, there was nothing I wished for greater than for them to be on my level. For them to be able to have some discipline. I wanted to tear them apart for thinking about my Bella like that.

I wanted their blood.

But more than that, I wanted their bodies.

Not in the sexual way!

But I wanted at that moment to have blood pumping through me from a beating heart so those things could be possible one day. To be living humans like Mike and Tyler and Eric…

Eric. He was silent.

His mind was blank… was he in shock? Surely he'd seen breasts before.

Even ones that were protruding so temptingly out of the top of a white, cotton singlet next to a pair of cute pig tails with…

NO! Control.  
I had to remain in control.

In the 3.8 seconds it took me to process all this, Bella realized, probably due to my staring, that her breasts had been on display.

She turned the most violent shade of red I've seen yet and quickly yanked up her shirt and then her pants.

Back to square one – her legs on display… I like… legs…

But after the sight I'd just seen I had to say, I was a little disappointed by just how… tame her legs appeared in comparison.  
Not that they weren't deliciously creamy, white, soft… eh, legs. But I felt underwhelmed because I wanted more.

It wasn't like I hadn't seen the top of her breasts before, (many a time had I been at the wrong, or right, angle when Bella bent over to pick up a pencil) but something about her in the outfit just did things to me…

I felt more human than I had in years and I would have been slightly unnerved had that not been over ridden by another particular feeling that was pulsing through my loins.

Was it possible that…  
Could I have been getting a…

JESUS!  
"Bella, I…" I couldn't think of anything to say to her. What was I meant to say? Bella, I've got a huge erection because I caught a glimpse of your goodies, so could I please be excused to make sure I get this potentially lethal weapon under control before I poke your eye out?

It had taken 5 seconds from the time she pulled her top down for me to get a raging hard on. It was one of the downsides of having been sexually deprived for over 100 years – quick reactions. And of course Alice had to have placed me in the most uncooperative pants for this kind of situation – tight enough to be uncomfortable but still loose enough to create an obvious bulge!

ALICE!  
Had she SEEN this? Did she put Bella in that _stupid_ outfit to get a… _reaction_ out of me?!

If she had, I'd KILL her! I'd burn her into millions of pieces and scatter her ashes in the four corners of the world!

"Edward… I…" Bella was blushing furiously, "I'm s-sorry."

Not being in a position to waste time hearing why she was sorry, I stuttered out a, "I have to go!"

I moved as fast as I could to make my way to the men's bathroom at the other end of the ally way, leaving my Bella behind in smoke and dust from my departure, praying that she hadn't noticed my…problem. Humiliation, mortification and infuriation burning throughout me, I finally made my way to the toilets only to be pushed almost to the edge when I saw the massive line that had formed. It would take at least 10 minutes to get through it and I couldn't think of any way to be inconspicuous about the enormous pole slowly rising in my loose denim pants. If I didn't get this under control the bulge may actually tear the fabric.

What was I to do? Unfortunately I realized that this particular desire wasn't nearly as easy to control as my bloodlust. I had had decades of being faced with blood but never had I been in a position to resist such sexual urges. I had no freaking clue what to do!

A thought crossed my mind that was so disgusting I almost threw up what little food I had eaten in the past years.

I could always… mastur…bate.

I'd never even attempted it before… I'd never _needed_ to! But now… it seemed like the only release!

But I couldn't! The line was enormous! I'd probably burst through the pants buy the time I made it to the front of the cue and then there was the task of how to go about it without making too much noise as to be noticed! And since I had never… released before I was sure I wouldn't be quiet…

I had to find privacy and fast! I considered the possibility of going deep in the forest but that seemed far too perverted even for a situation like this. There was another option I had suddenly realized. There was currently no train of thought coming from the female toilets situated just a couple yards behind the men's. And since they were blocked from view by the men's toilet the chance of anyone seeing me was slim. If I could just sneak in there without being seen… and keep an eye, or thought, out for anyone approaching… I could be done in no time!

But it was so wrong… yet desperate times called for desperate measures.

So far the options were either desecrate myself in a female's public toilet or try to make a secret nudie run home to get a new pair of pants.

I think the choice was clear.

As quietly and stealthily as the situation would allow, I made my way behind the men's toilet block without being conspicuous. Good start. If I ran at vampire speed, maybe I would be so fast no one would see. No one was currently thinking about me or this general direction… so I risked it.

I ran as fast as I could for the female toilet blocks and practically dove inside like I was sliding for home base.

I ran into one of the cubicles and quickly got to work on myself. Since I was a virgin I was sure it wouldn't take long.

I didn't think – I just did. Unfortunately though, it wasn't working. Why oh why was my luck running so very thin?

I kept trying, refusing to think about Bella. It wasn't right. As much as it would have helped the situation it was already immoral enough that because of mine, and others', impure thoughts about her this situation occurred in the first place. It wasn't right to think about her while actually _doing_ this, was it? I wasn't really up to speed on the ethics involved in this kind of thing, but surely thinking about someone else while masturbating was wrong. Wasn't it?

I tried and tried with no success, rubbing until it hurt. Unfortunately, of course, the friction had caused my length to grow to enormous proportions and yet the lack of stimulation caused no release. What was _wrong_ with me? The minutes ticked by as I kept at it, determined to get this done and refusing to think about my Bella in the way I wanted to… in those cute shorts… in those pigtails.

It jerked. What the hell did that mean!? Was that good? All my medical knowledge did not have anything on the involuntary twitching of a penis during masturbation.

Minutes still kept going and I refused to let my mind go towards Bella. It was hard… so very hard to not think about her. I was persistent though. I was certain that if I just kept up the friction it would eventually go away.

I'd been in there nearly 15 minutes before I decided that I just had to. I had to give in – for the good of my own selfishness. And I could only imagine what Bella was thinking – I'd just disappeared! I'd left her there all alone with those idiots from school. They were probably still looking at her! Looking at her legs… thinking about her breast from before… the way they nearly spilled over the top of her shirt… her bra visibly poking out the top…

Something wet had come out of the tip. I assured myself I knew what it was and that all was ok… well as ok as it could possibly be. I kept going… thinking about her… she was so beautiful, so feminine and all mine… I wondered if she did this thinking about me… I really hoped she did…that thought alone nearly got me to my peak.

I was so far gone - in pure ecstasy. All coherent thought left my brain and I could have sworn I was about to black out. I kept going, faster still. Faster… thinking about Bella… my Bella… my…

"UNGHHHHHHHHH" I groaned so deafeningly load that I was shocked the walls didn't collapse. I was panting heavy, unnecessary breaths, coming down off my cloud. I was shaking. I sat down on the toilet seat trying to collect my thoughts – trying to regain coherency. I had completely lost it when I swore I wouldn't. That only confirmed my doubts that I could never do those things with Bella when I was so incapable of keeping control of _those_ emotions.

"Oh… MY GOD! Did you just hear that?"

…

I was sure that was some kind of sick trick by my mind. And that was not… it wasn't…

Crap.

"YES!" squealed the shrill voice of Lauren Mallory, I could feel the smile on her face and the malicious tone of her thoughts.

"Who's in there?" Jessica giggled loudly, as I ducked my feet up from under the door.

"Yuuuuuuu-huuuuuuuu! Hellooooooooo?" Lauren was having the time of her life.

I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid – so caught up in the moment.  
I looked around for an escape and of course there was nothing but the tiniest window that not even Alice could fit through.

"Oh my God, Jess, you wait here and stand guard while I'll go get… _everybody_! I want everyone to see her when she comes out of the stall! Oh, and hunny," She leaned close to the door, "that's some groan you got there!" She laughed shrilly as she ran out of the bathroom to gather everyone she could. Jessica stood outside the cubicle giggling so uncontrollably she didn't have the breath to torment this 'girl' who had been pleasuring herself inside a filthy, public restroom.

There was no escape.

Oh, fuck.

BPOV

I could not believe how stupid I had been.  
Stupid human Bella can't do anything without running her boyfriend off, can she?

I hadn't even realized that I'd completely put myself on display until he was staring! At first I'd thought he was turned on but no, Edward could _never _find _me_ attractive, could he?

I couldn't help but feel that familiar sense of rejection wash over me, as it always did whenever Edward decided he couldn't stand the sight of me…

But this time, when he just ran away… that hurt even more.

How could my body make him so uncomfortable? The other boy's didn't think so! I wasn't oblivious to looks that males' had been shooting me all day and I was quite disgusted with them.

But if Edward had looked at me that way…

The ache that was now a permanent part of me began to throb a little. He always made me feel like this. It was shameful to admit but there was only one word for it – horny.

He made me so horny it was a colossal effort only he of all people could understand, to keep my hands off him. But I never wanted to do anything to make Edward awkward, especially when he was so awkward on his own anyway.

I just wanted him to want me! Deep down I knew it wasn't true – that he _did_ want me… but I wanted him to prove it! To show me that he wanted my body more than my blood or even my company.

Why was everything so one sided with us? He was the strong one, the smart one, the handsome one, the EVERYTHING one.

And I was Bella – puny, pitiful and pathetic.

If it weren't for Edward's jealousy, I would swear he wasn't even a man. That was the only real masculine emotion he ever showed me and unfortunately, it was one that I hated seeing.

It was so infuriating! Why couldn't he just want me? Take me? RAVISH me like a red blooded male? I swear I knew it was because he wanted to protect me but damn it, I was a female! Irrationality was programmed into my brain as sure as the need to breathe was.

A thought struck me that I'd never thought of… what if I was trying too hard? Putting it out there so often that he didn't even want it anymore? Like a meal you'd eaten too many times.

Did he think I was a slut?

Or was he sick of me? Bored of me? The thought nearly brought me to tears from worry.

Then I started to get angry – how dare he get sick me! I'd risked my life to love him and now he didn't want me anymore?

The anger _did_ bring on the tears as usual and suddenly I was blubbering uncontrollably as the floodgates opened.

I ran off behind a stall and cried so hard it started to hurt physically now as well as emotionally.

"B…Bella?"

I looked up, puffy eyed and snotty, to see Mike standing there with a confused and worried look on his face.

Well, that was just great. Add humiliation to my list of already overwhelming emotions!

"I'm f-fine Mike," terrible lie number one, "I just stubbed my t-toe," terrible lie number two.

"Oh… ok…it's just that," Mike seemed nervous. Baffled was probably more accurate – I'd never broken down like this much less in front of Mike, "when I saw Cullen run off I thought something happened…"

I started crying again. It wasn't his choice of words but rather just an inexplicable desire to start crying. Mike however thought he'd said something wrong. Good, let him think that. That's what he gets for walking in on me crying!

He put his arm around me and I immediately forgave him. Mike wasn't so bad. He was loyal and friendly and the best pet I'd ever had. It wasn't his fault he was so undesirable to me.

I sobbed into his shirt for a while whilst he rubbed my back soothingly.  
Who knew that Mike was so good at comforting an uncontrollable girl with unreasonable emotions?

I then remembered he was currently dating Jessica Stanley.

She was so lucky… they probably had had sex by now.

Most teenagers were doing it within a couple months and I supposed they were no exception. Why couldn't I be having sex with my boyfriend? We were so in love and still as virginal as 8 year olds who pecked each other's lips in their cubby houses.

I felt a pang of jealousy surge through me directed at Jessica Stanley.

Why was she getting to do it? I wanted sex and I was a much better student and person than her! Edward was a much better student and person than Mike! Why were they getting to hump each other senseless, oh it just WASN'T FAIR!

I looked up at Mike, annoyance with him swarming in me again. I'd bet anything he wasn't a virgin. There had to be someone who was… I couldn't be the only one I just couldn't.

I suddenly felt lonely and cried a little harder but it soon passed.

Angela! She was a virgin!

She HAD to be! Her and Ben certainly hadn't had sex… they'd never… hell I'd never even seen them kiss! They might be even more prudish than Edward!

I had to find Angela right away. I had to know I wasn't the only one.

Another surge of overwhelming emotion took over me as I stood up suddenly. Mike got knocked back a bit but I really didn't care.

"Mike!" I was practically panting. When did I run out of breath? "Is it Angela here?"

"Umm…" Mike looked up at me from the ground, bewildered by my sudden mood swing, "I-I saw her and Ben hanging out by the Ferris wheel before…"

"THANKS MIKE!" I called over my shoulder, already sprinting towards the giant wheel praying to whatever God was listening that they were still there.

Amazingly I'd made it into another ally before my foot caught on something, (probably my other foot) and I tumbled towards the ground in a sort of 'Bella-Death-Spiral.'

I braced myself for the impact before being caught in the strong, cold arm of someone very familiar.

He looked surprised, angry, bewildered, afraid, nervous and a little sexually frustrated all at once. Not surprisingly, it was every emotion I felt at that moment.

"Bella, what…" Jasper asked me, looking amazed to see me suddenly in his arms.

"Good reflexes…" I smiled sheepishly, now feeling even stupider than before.

Jasper smiled the same smile back, "Yeah well… that was part of the deal. What are you doing?"

He put me upright and shifted a whole bunch a food into the arm he had previously been holding me in.

"Why do you have all of that" I asked him.

"Umm… I don't really know… Alice just told me she suddenly wanted all this… Come to think of it, she probably just saw you tripping over and didn't want to embarrass you by sending me to just catch you… oh, sorry…"

"Great," I sighed. I was a laughing stock, a totally mess of a person. A shot of self loathing rippled through me and I saw Jasper's face twitch. Whoops.

"You didn't answer my question though," Jasper said, trying to recover, "where were you heading in such a hurry?"

I couldn't help but feel embarrassed as I stuttered out a, "Oh, just to find Angel Webber…"

Jasper looked at me questioningly, probably wondering why I was burning with embarrassment at his simple question, (as well as a million other different emotions).

"Oh, well I'll go with you, I guess. This was probably why Alice sent me over too –so you won't fall over again on your way. Are you hungry, Bella?" Jasper offered me some of the stuff he was holding and I suddenly felt so incredibly hungry I couldn't believe I'd not noticed it before. I grabbed a handful of chips and stuffed them in my mouth not feeling the slightest bit embarrassed at Jasper's expression – a little grossed out and slightly hungry himself.

"Oh… k…" Jasper turned to walk toward the Ferris wheel and we started walking in comfortable silence, looking around at the fair. Jasper kept shooting me weird looks occasionally, probably in response to my still revolving moods which weren't stopping but had slowed down a little.

"Bella, where's Edward?" he asked suddenly, looking around as though he had just noticed I was by myself.

"Uh…" what was I to say? The love of my life abandoned me because he couldn't stand the sight of my breasts? That he found me repulsive and never ever wanted to touch me again?

I couldn't help it – my tear ducts spontaneously combusted and I was suddenly crying my eyes out in Jasper's arms. Before the tears clouded my vision I caught the look on Jasper's face. He looked utterly bewildered.

As I stained Jasper's shirt with my tears I felt Jasper's body start to shake. He picked me up and we were suddenly behind one of the tents, sitting on the ground and crying into each other's arms.

Jasper had no tears but he shook violently and made something like retching noises, ones that were very similar to the sounds I was making.

All of a sudden I remembered that Jasper had sex – a lot.

As jealousy ran through me, I sobbed even harder into the arms of a sexually satisfied vampire.

Jasper sobbed harder, too.

So, what did you all think, eh? I loved this chapter and it is by far my favorite. Oh and do NOT panic! Emmett is coming in the next chapter. I saved him because I'm still mapping out how it's going to go in my head and since for some unconscious writing vomit related reason, Jasper ended up in this chapter; I have to reorganize my thoughts. I have the basic idea of the next chapter. I just have to think of MORE because what I've got so far isn't enough to go on. Maybe I'll just start writing and see where it takes me. After all, that's what I did with this chapter and look where it's got us…

By the way, if you have any ideas to contribute please feel free to do so via email or review. If I like any of them, I may just include them =]


	4. Paint Your Wagon Blue

I have several apologize to make.  
Ok, I'll be the first to admit the last chapter was a little… odd. Yes, odd seems the appropriate adjective here. In fact, most of the feedback I got was half happy, half freaked out. Sorry about that guys ^.^ I just couldn't help myself thus why there were so many grammar and spelling mistakes in it. I just started writing not even thinking about what was coming out. I was in total spaz mode when I wrote that and I realize it sounded exactly like a spoofy crack fic and the whole thing was utterly ridiculous – although I think Bella and Edward are always pretty ridiculous. My whole hearted apologize for putting you through that, although I am still happy with the result… he he he... And onto another apology… I am SO sorry it has taken this long to be updated… actually it's only been like a little over a week but considering that I posted the other 3 chapters within a few days it felt a lot longer in comparison. It wasn't until I got a review today pleading me to continue that I figured it was time to open the vault on my desktop and begin to type again. I really needed a break from writing though – I had some school work I needed to organize and just get a break in general. I'll try to be more frequent in posting but between writing this and my other story Darko. and school work and socializing… I predict I shall be a very busy bee in the not too distant future. Not to keep you any further with my boring Author's Notes… read on chums, read on… WOOO GO EMMETT! P.S. He is SUPER FUN to write.

EMPOV

What the hell was WRONG with those people? I couldn't even begin to fathom why anyone wouldn't want to watch me demolish all of these stalls into dust. Figuratively, of course.

Al and Jazz though, they came through.  
They knew where the action was.

As Al caught up to me, dragging Jasper behind her, after the other idiots and my darling wife went off to do who cares what, I couldn't help but feel a sudden surge of excitement. I wasn't sure whether it was Jasper's influence or not, but looking over and seeing his stoic 'I'm-trying-not-to-eat-people' face, I figured it was all me.

This was going to be fun.

I tried to run at a non-vampire pace but it was hard… it was so hard. I just wanted to play!

I wanted to win as much stuff in as little time as possible. If my heart could beat it would've been pumping adrenaline through me so violently my veins would probably have burst.

"Emmett, slow down," I heard Al's voice from just a few paces behind me.

"Ugh, but the games are just over there!" I sounded like a whining toddler and I surely didn't care.

When I rounded the corner it was like I had found the Holy Grail – of games that is.  
This was my chalice that proved the existence of God.

He was real, for no other being could have bestowed a miracle such as this.

It was one long, packed isle of stalls – shooting games, throwing games, guessing games and hundreds of stuffed toys mounted on the walls with streamers and balloons and about a million other things I wanted to stare at but couldn't.

I had work to do.

"Which one's first?" Alice asked with that cheeky little grin of hers.

Like she didn't already know.

I headed straight for the very first stall – I was going to go in order. Every last game would feel the wrath of Emmett McCarty-Cullen.

I felt Alice and Jasper breeze in behind me as I looked at the game before me.

This was going to be way too easy.  
"How much to play," I demanded of the creepy looking guy standing in front of the wall filled with exactly 68 different prizes.

"It's one dollar. All the games at the fair are one dollar a play," he rolled his eyes at me as if I should have known this tiny piece of information. Ignoring the urge to beat him senseless for his rudeness, I dug into my pocket and pulled out exactly 68 dollars.

"68 rings please," I smiled at him showing all my teeth and watched him recoil back a little. He turned around and grabbed what appeared to be all the rings he could. There were only 30, so I suppose I would have to reuse some as the turns went on.

"You… you know how to play, I assume?" The guy was stunned. I couldn't blame him. I probably looked like an idiot to this guy 'wasting' 68 bucks on a game. Money didn't matter though.

"Of course I know how to play!" I gave him my own eye roll and picked up ten rings. I threw the first one in front of the first prize on the end. Bingo.

The ring landed perfectly over the little wooden stick thing.

"Congratulations… this one's yours to keep," the creepy dude sighed as he turned to go grab my little stuffed giraffe.

"Oh, I'd wait until all my turns are up before you go and retrieve my prizes. Might save you some time." I winked at him and threw at the next target - direct hit.

So was it just me, or was everyone this awesome?  
Not likely, I was pretty sure it was just me.

For next 4 and half minutes I threw at human speed at all the rings. I couldn't help but get giddy at the guys face as it slowly, with every throw, began to drop a little.

Jasper must've felt like he was on a friggen sugar high.

68 rings and 68 dead hits later I collected all my prizes from this poor, pathetic grease ball.

I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him. It wasn't personal or anything – all sporting my dear fellow.

He was almost crying. He'd probably lost so much money… I couldn't help but throw a hundred at him before I moved onto his neighbor. It was the least I could do, after all.

"One fishing rod, my good sir and 47 turns at trying to get all those little yellow ducks," I smiled at the next guy, who looked positively petrified after just witnessing the massacre I inflicted on the last game.

"Emmett…" Al sounded reproachful but barely so. I could tell she was having a blast watching me hook every last one.

"Oh, come on, Alice," I turned to scoff at her whilst still hooking the duck perfectly, "like you didn't see this coming."

Alice just half grinned half pouted as I continued picking all the ducks out of the 'pond.'

Once again the stall guy's face was showing signs of post Emmett depression and soon the pond, and shelves, were bare.

"How… how did you do that?" His voice was shocked and kind of choked up. I assumed with awe.

"Practice my man, simple practice," I winked, threw him a hundred and walked away to the next one.

Jasper and Alice were desperately trying to see around their arm fulls of my winnings to see where they were going. That was another reason I wanted a bigger audience – pack mules.

"Wait, I prepared for this… here, Jazz hold these for a tick," Alice dumped the giant stuffed gorilla, panda, lion and as well as a jillion smaller toys into Jasper's already loaded arms and pockets. Poor guy - must be hard being married to someone so… enthusiastic.

I was so lucky; Rosalie was simply malicious.

As I began work on the next game – popping balloons with rubber darts – Alice walked away briskly to get whatever thing she brought with her. It wasn't until about 7 minutes later after I had successfully popped all 112 balloons that Alice returned with a giant red wagon. Like seriously, it was huge. It could've been the tray of Bella's Chevy it was so big.

Jasper simply walked over to it, not even questioning when and how she managed to get that here and dumped everything into it. He looked so torn, my brother did.

He usually did however, so I wasn't going to feel bad about the half Emmett inflicted 'happy-delirium' and pure annoyance that was written on his face.

There were much more pressing matters at hand -such as the next conquest on my hit list for example.

For the next few minutes it carried on in much the same fashion.

Pay man, win game, man's soul crushed, throw a hungie, load wagon.

It was a simple enough process.

I couldn't really think of a reason to why this was such fun – it just _was_.

Something about this whole fair scenario was just so… human. It felt good to play games and be surrounded by people who were having just as much fun. Even though I was using supernatural abilities to have fun which was kind of ironic since it was invoking human emotions in me…

However I didn't have time to sit around and get all psych quack on myself.

Approaching what had to be my 10th game I felt a wave of excitement hit me that was not all mine.

I turned back to see Jasper looking at the game with his eyes slightly alight. I decided that, just for this one game, I'd let Jasper in on the action.

"Hey, Jazz, you want to give this one a _shot_?" I held up the fake rifle and presented it to him.

He grabbed it swiftly and took aim at the tiny rabbits moving in a line.

"Hey! You've got to pay to play!" This carnie seemed to have a little more bravado than the others which was saying something. I saw Jasper look at the prize wall for a split second, dive into his pocket and slam exactly 54 dollars onto the bench.

He pulled the trigger and hit the rabbit dead center. He hit another rabbit and then again and again and again.

His face had a huge, stupid grin on it as if this were some childhood dream of his.

"He's so happy…" Alice sighed as she watched her husband shoot pellets into cute little bunny rabbit cut outs, as if it weren't beyond weird to get this much satisfaction from it.

After Jasper had ensured the rabbit cut out species was successfully extinct, the carnie reached onto the wall, grabbed everything off it and dumped the entire contents into our enormous wagon which was already getting full.

If I kept this up, we might have to walk home and use the jeep as a storage device.

JPOV

After the complete hassle Emmett had put Alice and I through this morning, despite the hilarity of it, I couldn't help but feel grateful that he'd let me have that one.

I hadn't used a rifle in years and although I knew it was obviously a toy, it still felt good.

It reminded me of human home.

After another dejected man emptied his load into the wagon Alice was still pulling, (which looked very strange considering her small frame) I walked up to her and kissed his lightly on the cheek. She smiled at me and I knew she was happy I got to feel a little human again.

Her happiness made me happy.

Her eyes clouded over suddenly and she dropped the handle of the wagon.

"Jasper, go get me a corndog!"

"What? Why?" What on earth would my Alice want with human food?

"And chips! Chips too! In fact go to the food stall named 'Fanny's Fair Food' and grab as much stuff as possible!"

"But…"

"Just go, now! Please," Alice looked up at me pleadingly, her eyes begging me to go.

"Um, sure. Of course, Al."

"Thank you, Jasper." She smiled.

I turned and left her there with Emmett who had already moved on to some other game, not even noticing I'd left. I think it was a basketball hoop shooting game… His emotions weren't all over the place surprisingly – they were just excited and determined. I noticed a bit of fear before when I was playing that shooting game and I couldn't help but chuckle.

I tended to get as bit caught up with things sometimes…

As I joined the very short cue of 'Fanny's Fair Food' I realized the dilemma I was in.

Alice had said 'grab as much stuff as possible.'

Well how much was I meant to get? Surely she was just merely being dramatic when she said that.

As I came to the front of the cue a young, plain looking girl beamed down at me.

"What can I get for you, Hun?"

I felt pure lust rolling off her in spades and I couldn't help feeling a little frustrated. Where was my wife when I needed her?

"Hello, I'll just take one of everything, please."

She looked at me stunned and felt twice as much.

"One of… everything?"

"That is correct."  
I smiled pleasantly up at her. I figured it was the best course of action since I wasn't sure how much food I would need for whatever it was I was getting it for.

She looked at me a little blurry eyed for a second, feeling a little dazed and then quickly snapped out of it.

She flashed me a slightly gappy smile, "Of course. Anything you want, Hun."

After she'd assembled one fairy floss stick, one hot dog, a bag of chips, a corndog, a packet of every flavored Doritos, several drinks, a nachos, a few ice creams and a box of popcorn, I handed over the $78.46 and grabbed everything in my arms.

This day was proving to be expensive.

The girl sent me another wave of lust as I hurried away as quickly as I could. I needed to get back to Alice. I began to walk down the alley way, the strong scent of barnyard in the air, when out of nowhere I smelt blood – fresh blood. Strangely though it wasn't very appealing… well not very. I compared it to food that might be starting to go off. Yes, it was food but it smelt wrong…

Then just as quickly as the blood came I was hit with a tornado of overwhelming emotion.

Anger, bewilderment, fear, nerves and what I thought was sexual frustration engulfed my whole being.

I looked up to see Bella spiraling down a few feet away and suddenly she was in my arms.

"Bella, what…?"

She looked up at me surprised and very embarrassed.

"Good reflexes," she half giggled sheepishly.

I felt a little sheepish myself for catching her so instinctively, "Yeah well… that was part of the deal. What are you doing?"

She'd nearly killed herself running at full speed in a crowd of people. What was wrong with this girl?

I set her on her very unstable feet and shifted all the food out more sparingly, hoping I didn't get any of the poor, clumsy girl.

Her eyebrows rose a tad, "Why do you have all of that?"

"Umm… I don't really know… Alice just told me she suddenly wanted all this…" something dawned on me. She'd said it right after she'd had a vision. Oh my precious Alice… she'd wanted me to come rescue Bella. Why hadn't she just said so though? Did she not want to embarrass Bella by just having me here ready to catch her inevitable fall? And why me? Couldn't she have come?

Apparently I'd still been talking during this thought process because I felt Bella feel a violent surge of mortification.

"… oh, sorry…" I needed to start pay better attention…

"Great" she sighed heavily. I felt a stab of self hate as I realized Bella was angry with herself. Why, though? Because she was clumsy? Well, she was human. Still, I twitched a little at the thought of her hating herself – some of the things this girl felt were utterly absurd. As it happened, she was feeling quite a lot at the moment. What on earth was wrong with her? Where had she been going in such a hurry?

"You didn't answer my question though," I said trying to steer the conversation back, "where were you heading in such a hurry?"

Embarrassment flooded through her again, "Oh, just to find Angela Webber…"

Angela Webber… the quiet girl from school? Why on earth would Bella want to find her in a state like this? Unless she wanted consolidation.

I decided to do the gentlemanly thing and escort her there. Alice would have wanted me to and besides, she needed the protection.

"…are you hungry Bella?"

Her face lit up as she grabbed a handful of chips. She stuffed them in her mouth like she'd just had Ramadan. I caught the stench of that blood again. It was faint, so very faint. And wrong.

What was that smell? It was making my throat burn a little but only slightly so. If I maintained my composure then I'd be fine.

I looked back at Bella who was looking up feeling slightly embarrassed for some reason.

"Oh… k…" Seriously, what was _with_ her?

As we walked along for a short ways, I couldn't help but feel Bella's emotions as clearly as if they were my own. It was amazing how strong and yet how rampant they were – constantly shifting yet always extreme.

This poor girl, what had happened to her in the short amount of time since she'd left? I thought surely Edward would have protected her from any harm…

Edward.

I suddenly realized he was nowhere to be seen. I was so caught up in the mysterious smell and Bella's emotional tirade I hadn't noticed my brother's absence!

"Bella, where's Edward?" I asked slightly panicky.

She choked out an "Uh…" before suddenly bursting into tears. I held her in my arms for a second before the sadness consumed me.

It was so overpowering.

She felt such… loathe for something. Herself? Edward?

I couldn't help it – I began to shake.

She was so upset and nearly hysterical.

I picked her up and as quickly as I was able and ducked us behind a couple of the tents. I was shaking violently, dry sobs racking my body.

Bella sounded like she was choking on her own sadness and it sounded like I was too.

I held her as she shook and we sobbed uncontrollably. All of a sudden a pang of jealously ran through me and I sobbed even harder, as did Bella.

What had my brother done to this poor girl? What had my brother done to me?

In the midst of my crying I couldn't help but smell it – the blood. It was stronger yet still wrong.

I cleared my throat as if it could alleviate the thirst. I had to control it however – I was with Bella (an emotionally wrecked Bella who was emotionally wrecking me).

As Bella leaned into me more it got stronger. I suddenly realized through my own vicarious hysteria that the smell was coming from Bella.

Was she hurt? Was that what Edward had done? He hurt her physically? If that were the case my Alice would have him for breakfast.

But it couldn't be - if she had a fresh wound Bella wouldn't be alive right now.

A light bulb clicked as all the pieces fit together.

"Bella…" I croaked out after gaining some control over the emotions that weren't mine.

She looked up me with red, blurry eyes.

"Is it… it's not…"  
This was completely improper to ask… and Edward would kill me if he found out I did…

"Are you… on your… 'time of the…month?'"

I could not believe I had just asked that.  
Another shot of embarrassment came through Bella as her face came into shock comprehension.

"J-Jasper… I'm so… oh my God…"

Her face went beet red and as tempting as it looked I couldn't help but be distracted by the fact I was channeling the hormonal mood swings of a menstruating teenage girl.

I had to get rid of her… but I couldn't just leave her alone and by herself…

I had to get Edward.

"Bella, where did Edward go?" I asked through shaky breaths.

A new wave of sadness and what I thought was rejection washed over her.

Between the new, light sobs she sniffed, "He… he went to the toilet blocks…I kind of… scarred him off…"

I had no time to even care what she had done to scare him because most certainly it was wrong. Why Edward was in the toilet I didn't have a clue and once again, I didn't care.

The only thing I did care about was ditching Bella as soon as possible before I did something stupid. Like let her frail, emotional state take over my rationality. More so than it had already.

NOTES:

So, Bella has a raging case of PMS and Jasper, our favorite empath, is stuck with her until he can find her boyfriend whom he can dump her on, but Eddo is currently hiding in a women's toilet block being guarded by Jessica Stanley because he was caught pleasing himself in a public toilet.

No Rosalie or Edward POV this chapter but she'll be on her way sometime to meet up with Alice and Emmett. By the way, sorry there wasn't too much of Emmett but I need to get the story going a bit more which meant focusing on Jazz, Bella and Edward for a while (which is a shame for me because Emmett is very fun to write).

=] REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	5. The Not So Great Escape

SOOOOOOOO… who is really sorry for not updating in like… over a month?  
I AM! I AM!

I'm throwing my apologies at you people! I'm soo sorry! I've just had so much school work that this had to take the back burner for a while. I can't guarantee fast updates but this was just ridiculous. Please don't hate me! PLEASE! Hopefully this will tide you over as it raps up quite nicely with NO cliffhangers – I promise! There is still much more to the story. This is just one of three arcs I have to write for this story. There is plenty more I promise!

Not to delay you any further though! You have been delayed too long already!

READ ON FOR GOD'S SAKE!

EMPOV

After I'd successfully made it through one entire side of the games alleyway, I noticed that I was one fan down.

"Al… where's Jasper?"

I was a little confused having been so caught up in winning everything.

"You're only just realizing?" Tinker bell cocked an eyebrow at me.

"Well in case you hadn't noticed the devastation I was leaving in our wake, I was kind of tied up," I gestured to the stalls that were closed up because they could offer no more prizes and grinned smugly. I had half to go and really didn't want Jasper's absence stopping the mojo that was flowing.

"Ugh," Alice rolled her eyes, "well I suppose it's about time…"

She smirked evilly, stood on her tip toes and for what I can only guess was for dramatic effect, leaned in my ear and whispered, "Guess what _I've_ seen…"

BPOV

My emotions were running amuck.

I was sad and angry at Edward for running away from me, ashamed because he fled from me in the first place, embarrassed because Jasper knew I was on my period and guilty because every emotion I had was inflicting him equally if not more than it was on me.

Somehow through all that though, I felt a sudden determination that I recognized as not mine.

Jasper was staring at me with steely eyes, his face set and brow pulled down.

"Bella, we have to get Edward now. We have to calm you down or I may do something that would not be in anyone's best interest."

"Oh… of course, Jasper…" I mumbled off. I bowed my head down; I knew I was being a nuisance but to hear him say it out loud still stung a bit.

I felt Jasper gingerly place one finger on my cheek. I looked up, completely startled.

He was looking down at me with what could only be described as awkward kindness.

"Bella," he looked me in eyes, trying to hide his obvious discomfort at this physical display of affection, "you're like a sister to me. You've made Edward and my Alice so happy and for that I will always think of you as family. Please understand this isn't personal but rather in everyone's best interests at the moment. I'm sure you're keen to get back to Edward too."

He lowered his hand and stood up, dusting himself off.

I couldn't help but note the irony of how Jasper could suddenly feel awkward touching my skin and being near me after we had just broke down in hysterics in each other's arms.

He was a strange man – perfect for Alice.

"You're right, I do miss him," I suddenly felt very guilty for everything I'd felt toward Edward before and wanted nothing more that to find him and have him with me again.

"Ok, good," he said as I stood up as well, "now, you said he was at the toilet block?"

"Umm, yeah…" I felt chagrin wash over me as I thought of the events from before.

"May I ask why?" Jasper raised his eyebrow; I felt his curiosity in me also.

"I'd really rather you didn't," I said sheepishly.

"Well, it doesn't matter. We have to go - now."

I couldn't have agreed more.

RPOV

Where _was_ everybody?

By the time I'd left the pageant, I'd _thought_ everyone would be with my idiot husband in the games alley. But no, it's never that simple with my family, is it? Not even Emmett was there. I couldn't help but feel like they'd all abandoned me.

Were they even going to come to watch me in the pageant?

I wandered over to the entrance and decided to start from scratch. Perhaps if I could catch wind of one of their scents… but there were so many different smells now!

Practically the whole town was now here and I could barely distinguish the difference in direction – the scents had been washed over with the fast food stenches and the sweat.

I had no idea what to do. Normally I could have just searched the whole place in about 53 seconds but there were far too many bodies to move agilely whilst maintaining this annoying charade of humanity.

I sighed.

My family was so annoying at times. Not that I didn't love them as if they were blood but really, how hard it to just not irritate me?

A gush of wind brought the oh too familiar smell of Emmett to my nose and suddenly I was bombarded with a huge bear hug from the grizzly himself.

I would have knocked him over the head had I not realized he was shaking uncontrollably. For a second I thought he was upset but as soon as he pulled away I saw a sight I hadn't seen in quite awhile.

When Emmett finds something funny, like really, extremely, excruciatingly funny, he does that weird thing where you laugh silently as if all the wind has been taken from your lungs. Strange, considering we don't in fact need oxygen, but it happens.

Emmett would have been crying if he could.

"ROSE!" It came out of his mouth like a shrill, girl's call. He couldn't even control himself! Whatever this was, it had to be good.

"EDWARD!" This time he was almost screaming. He was trying to breathe to calm himself but to little avail. He was completely gone…

"Rosalie, my sister," Alice side stepped around Emmett; his huge frame had been overshadowing her petite one.

"What have you done to him? And what happened to Edward?" I was utterly perplexed and becoming slightly annoyed that I wasn't being let in on the joke.

"How much do you love me and my beautiful ability to see into the future?" She batted her eyelids at me in what was supposed to be innocence but came off as the complete opposite.

"Depends on whose expense it's at…" I had a light bulb moment, "something to do with Edward?"

I felt my own evil grin plaster my face. Anything to do with Edward was always gold and taking into account my husband's hysterical state, it had to be something brilliant.

"Oh yes, it's something to do with Edward alright, follow me, Rose."

I followed the deranged sprite, practically towing my husband behind me as he was so overwhelmed with laughter that his feet were appearing to not be in working order anymore.

"What is it, Al? Tell me now, please!" I was begging and I knew it. I didn't really care in all honesty.

Alice sighed as she spoke over her shoulder to me, "We don't have much time left so we have to hurry but it all started with the outfit I picked out for Bella this morning…"

EPOV

"So, I mean really, what was the point of it all if Mike's just gonna not give it up anyway, you know what I mean?"

Jessica had been babbling nonstop about her relationship with Mike since Lauren had left - which seemed to be taking a long time, might I add. Although at human speed, it might take a while to round up 'everybody.'

I didn't say anything, obviously. One slip of my voice would let her know it was me. She didn't care about the lack of response though, just wanting to voice her thoughts and hear the sound of her own voice.

That was one of the reasons I distained Jessica - she spoke simply for the sake of it. Was she that scarred of silence that she couldn't bear to be in it for one second?

Foolish.

The time was dragging by slowly whilst my mind was trying to race through possible escape plans all which were missing one vital component – the ability to actually work.

There was simply nothing I could do except pray that something would deter this girl from her nasty intent. I couldn't believe I'd gotten myself into this situation – it was just so unlike me! I was in utter mortification of how to go about this without my siblings finding out. I would surely get it bad for this one.

I would take that though if it meant Bella wouldn't find out. I would take all the snarky comments and teasing as long as they would keep their big mouths shut in front of her. Of course I would rather have them not find out all together but in a family like mine, such hopes were pointless. Everybody knew everything and if they didn't then they'd find a way to weasel it out of someone who did.

"… Like, you know what I mean? What's the point of being in love if you can't be intimate with them?"

What a foolish girl. How about just their company or because you cannot live without them? These children knew nothing of real love.

"… I mean I'm almost at breaking point, you know? Mike won't even touch me and I don't know why! Well I mean I have one idea…"

_BELLA SWAN!_

Her mind seared with thoughts of Bella before her mouth quickly took over again. I felt myself tense and had to make sure I stayed well in control as to not leave the cubical and tear her head off.

"I mean you of all people know that we need sex! You just did it yourself in a filthy public restroom! Mike just doesn't get that I'm a _woman_ and I have _needs_! It's so stupid because I know that _he_ wants to and I most definitely want to but he's just so stubborn…"

I couldn't help but notice how familiar it all sounded…

"Why won't he just touch me? It's so infuriating! Ugh, where is Lauren? This is taking way too long…"

Stubborn? Pfft, Mike probably had a very good reason for not being intimate with Jessica! He was probably only trying to protect her, just because Jessica didn't understand what a strain it was for me to not kill her with the smallest touch didn't mean I was being insensitive to Bella!

Ok, my mind may have strayed a tad… But somehow, hearing it come through Jessica's voice, another human female, the same age as Bella, made the argument sound different. Maybe Bella had a point... maybe… if she… if I...

NO! The whole reason I was stuck in a cubical contemplating Bella's point of view is because it could never happen. Because I didn't have control. Because I was weak.

I missed Bella already. I wondered where she was and I was worried sick about her. Where was she?

_Ugh this is getting boring. She won't even talk to me. I wonder who she is… maybe if I left… no, Lauren would kill me… ugh this is so boring now…_

If there was only a way I could use this to my advantage I would have… but I couldn't even talk her around because she'd recognize my voice…

_Prada… Gucci… Luis…_

I didn't know whether to be happy or mortified at those thoughts.

"Oh hello, Jessica, how are you?"

_Alice Cullen… what's she want…_?

"Umm, hi, Alice… I'm good I guess…"

"That's great!" I could feel the smile in Alice's words as well as the smugness, "so what are you doing in here?"

"I was just waiting for Lauren…"

"Alice!" I whispered at vampire-speed, "Hurry up!"

_Ugh, be patient, Edward! I just want to talk to the girl a little first…_

"You _will_ pay for this, runt!" I snarled under my breath.

Her only response was a giggle.

"What's so funny?" _Who does this pipsqueak think she is laughing at me? Aside from the gorgeous Alice Cullen…_

"Oh nothing, it's just well… it's a bit of a funny place to be waiting for someone, isn't it?"

"Well… it's just that…"

_Do I tell her? Would Lauren be mad?_

"Oh Em Gee!!!" Alice squealed. I had no idea where she was going with this because it was apparent she'd been practicing how to block her thoughts from me.

_Peter Alexander, Armani, Tiffany's…_

"What?!" Jessica sounded alarmed.

"Your trainers! They are like, super cute! Oh my God, _where_ did you get them?"

"Uh… umm... a store in Port Angeles…"

"You _must_ take me to the boutique one day! I have to get a pair just like them!"

_Boutique… it was just a crappy little store that sold second hand shoes… I've never seen Alice Cullen wear anything but designer heels… gee… she must REALLY like me then!_

"Oh, totally! Just tell me when and we'll go shopping!"

_Maybe she'll let me use her platinum card!_

"Hey! Oh my God, we should totally go get something to eat as well!"

"Oh my God, yes!" _So Alice Cullen DOES eat… huh… I always thought she… being so skinny…_

"ALICE! Hurry UP!" Why she insists on always being a nuisance I'll never know, but I gave her another vampire-speed warning for her to work quicker.

"Do you wanna go get something to eat now, actually? I'm starving!"

"Oh… umm… well I'm supposed to be waiting for Lauren…"

"Oh, that's right… hey; doesn't the pageant start in like an hour or something? I would have thought Lauren would be getting ready for it…"

FINALLY Alice was getting somewhere!

"Wait, what? What's the time?"

"12:00… you guys have to fill out paper work at one so I figured you'd want some time to get ready…"

_UGHHHHHH!! LAUREN YOU BITCH!!!!_

"OH! MY! GOD! Are you kidding me? I have to run, Alice! I'm so sorry!"

_I will KILL her!_

I heard Jessica rush out of the toilet with her thoughts directed at murder.

I burst out of the cubical and looked down to the 4ft 10 pile of giggles that was erupting before me.

"Just don't even say it, Alice. I just want to find Bella and go home."

"You aren't going ANYWHERE mister," Alice said in between bursts of giggles, "after I just saved your sorry butt, you're going to stick around for the pageant. Plus, I don't think you'll want to miss this…"

I sighed. Couldn't I just go home and be done with it? Of course I couldn't…

"Where is everybody anyway? I can't hear their thoughts…"

Alice just grinned wickedly amongst her giggle fit.

EMPOV

I was holding on for dear life. Don't think about anything… don't laugh… keep it in… control it Emmett… you can do it…

I looked over at my Rosie who was standing there with the same pained look on her face. Her mouth was stretched tight across her beautiful face, holding back the burst of laughter that she longed to let loose.

We could hear them inside the cubical and we just about lost all control when we saw Jessica Stanley tear out of the cubical sporting a furious expression. She didn't look twice at us - probably not even wondering why Rosalie wasn't at the tent too. Rosie didn't need make up. She intended to turn up and just change her clothes. She'd still win.

Just then we heard Alice and Edward begin to walk towards the door. I exchanged a look with Rosie and her eyes said the same thing I was thinking – this was it!

Edward emerged at first looking somewhat relieved, suspecting us not to be here and hoping that Alice had done the sisterly thing and kept his overwhelmingly hilarious situation to herself. Pfft, fat chance!

Then his eyes fell on us and his face dropped.

The dam broke and Rosie & I let our laughter fly in his face.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Amongst my own wheezing and uncontrollable laughter I heard Edward half sigh, half groan.

Rosie & I were both nearly doubled over – both using our legs as support while we tried to manage to stay standing.

On and on we laughed while Edward just stood there with Alice giggling incessantly next to him. It had to have been at least 8 minutes later before I heard two sets of footsteps coming toward us. I felt a pang of distress but it was completely overridden by my own onslaught of joviality.

Edward wouldn't hear the end of this for centuries to come.

Sorry again. I wish this were longer but it raps up this story arc. Next to come is the beauty pageant obviously. I'll try super duper hard to go faster! I've only one exam next week but have about 4 assignments going on. They aren't due for a few weeks though so hopefully, fingers crossed, I'll have some time. You know what really inspires me to write though? SHAMELESS FLATTERY REVIEWS! Please review! I'm in dire need of them as I've been severely denied my monthly quota. R&R!

P.S. For those of you who were wondering, I called the last chapter paint your wagon BLUE because of the way Jazz & Bella were feeling. Just an FYI. ;)


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